What spending the night in the Vatican gift shop taught me about building trust
I spent the night in the Vatican gift shop. I was surrounded by crucifixes, more bibles than you can imagine, coloring books of the angels, rosaries in every color of the rainbow, dinner plates of Pope John Paul II, Padre Pio pendants, prayer booklets, Christmas decorations with images from the bible...
... and a double bed in the middle of the room.
I call my parent's spare bedroom "the annex to the Vatican gift shop" because their inventory of religious trinkets rivals Rome.
I recently spent the night in the "annex".
I laid down in bed, my head hitting the pillow when I looked to my left and saw something staring at me...
...my mom's collections of dolls.
I looked to my right and saw a bronze bust of Jesus.
"You gonna keep me safe from the creepy doll?" I asked him.
He stared back stoically.
I brought the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes.
I have a lot of fun joking with my parents about that room, often egging them on to sell the unmarked bottles of holy water they have on eBay.
"I just keep praying to Saint Jude on your behalf, Laura," mom quips back.
"What does he represent?"
"He's the patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes."
I can feel the tears touching my cheeks as I laugh, my chest heaving.
She smirks back at me and flips the channel to HGTV.
My mom and I have a lot of differences.
But with the holidays coming up, I wanted to share how I work to talk with people who may be different from us, because in a couple weeks, we're all going to be sitting around the table with someone who doesn't share our beliefs, values or opinions, and I know how nutty that can make me.
If you want to build relationships with people, there's two things you need to know:
You must have to have a really clear understanding of what they value.
You must know how to speak to them in their values.
In my house, we have agreements on what we don't discuss, because they are very hot button issues.
And for the most part, everyone can respect that.
But when I do need to talk to my mom about an important topic, I'll often frame what I'm saying in her language, rather than my own.
So if we're discussing a topic, I'll talk to her about Jesus, Bible teachings and how the Church looks at things, because it's a language she's open to and can understand.
I do not frame my discussions solely in my language of energy, Venus in retrograde and chakras, because that's not her vocabulary.
It requires patience, curiosity on our part, and the ability to hold ourselves back from making a knee-jerk response to something we hear.
Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, practice listening closely and seeking to understand.
I've often found that simply asking this key phrase when I feel like jumping in and "proving my case" can help us to have more high quality, less reactive, conversations:
"Tell me more about that."
Am I perfect at this? Absolutely not.
But this skill has helped me foster relationships with all kinds of people.
It's cracked open my ability to have empathy for others, and it's even made me a better business person, because when you can do this for your prospects or clients, they will feel really heard and understood by you -- and that builds trust.
And people always purchase according to the amount of trust we have earned with them.
Instead of just talking AT your prospects, you're engaging WITH them, truly listening to their challenges and what they need.
You become a partner in their success.
In Elevate, I teach my clients how to have super simple sales chats. And contrary to what a used car salesman might do, we do not push anyone to work with us.
There's no reason to - you have created a system to have a stream of qualified leads ready and eager to work with you.
By becoming master listeners, and speaking to people in their values, you'll close more deals, build healthier partnerships and nurture a stream of clients who will never forget you, because you're the one they really trust.
Laura Khalil helps ambitious female entrepreneurs rebalance the scales of financial justice in their favor and go from best kept secret to booked solid. She combines her experience as an award-winning marketer and business strategist to help you double their revenue in only 30 minutes a day. She’s consulted for some of the most recognizable brands, such as Intel, Twitter and GE.
